What can I say....

Sorry that I haven't updated in awhile. Sometimes I don't even know how to put into words the feelings that I am experiencing.

The past two weeks have been okay. The week following my last post was pretty rough, but I was expecting that. I am still going to the gym regularly and really love it. I complain about it steady, but it actually feels pretty good:) I know that I have some depression sneaking up on me and have been doing a lot of thinking about how to handle it. It's not that I sit around and cry all day, but I am lacking my usual zest. I have such a wonderful support system with all my friends and family, but for the most part being social just feels like a lot of work. Don't get me wrong, I have good days.... I can just tell that I am not myself. I know what you all are thinking.... "Of course you don't feel like yourself, look at what you have been through". I know these are normal feelings but it doesn't mean I have to like it! I think part of the problem is that I put on my strong face a year ago for Colten and haven't figured out how to take it off yet. I am not crying enough and really not letting myself feel the emotions that are inevitable. But let me tell you something.... When I do pull down that face... IT HURTS!! I can't explain the physical and emotional pain that I feel when I am crying. I can guarantee that there is nothing like it in the whole world! I just miss him so much every minute of every day! Of course, this is all normal and to be expected.

On a happy note, I have bought a plane ticket to go and visit the U.P. My mom and Glen are heading there to see my grandpa and the rest of the family and I have decided to tag along. I am really looking forward to this. Being a mom is my whole life and I will miss the kiddos like crazy, but it will be nice to have 8 days of only being me. No one will need anything from me for 8 whole days:) It will be amazing! Hopefully I can stay busy enough so that I don't spend to much time alone in my own head... We'll see.

Again I want to thank EVERYONE for all that they have done for us this past year!! I have tried to write my thank you notes numerous times but just end up a mess. I just want to make sure that you all know how much Dale and I appreciate every thing that was done for us, little or big, this year! I think of you all as my own personal angels... We definately couldn't have made it through all of this without you all! I love you all from the bottom of my heart!:):)

Erika