Where to start?? This week has had its ups and downs that's for sure. The gym is working great for me. I am so sore that I can barely walk, but somehow it clears my head and body of emotional pain. When I am having a really rough day (and there are lots of those) I head to the gym and work out super hard.... When I get home I feel better. It works as like a therapy for me. Maybe I'll even lose some weight and tone up as an added benefit:)
Last night my aunt took the kiddos for a sleepover and Dale and I headed out for a night of dancing and hanging out with great friends. I was having an especially emotional day and didn't even really feel like going, but it was great! We had an amazing time doing something so grown up! Dancing is something that we have always loved to do together and we hadn't gone in over three years... It was good for us. Of course (not that I need to even say it, but) I would gladly never go dancing again in my life if it meant I could have my little boy back.
I don't know the stages of grief and I am pretty sure I have gone through most of them a few times, but I am at the point of questioning why this happened to our family. I think it is due to all the änniveraries" that are approaching. Yesterday it was one year ago that we went to the hospital for the first time wondering what was going on with Colten. One year ago today we met the amazing Dr. Abella and found out what they were thinking and Tuesday it will be one year since the official diagnosis. No wonder I'm a flippin mess!! And then on top of it all, Dale had to go back to work tonight. I know that there comes a time that you have to start getting back into a routine, but we have not been apart for FOUR months. AND he is my rock!! He is the person who makes sure I get out of bed every morning, gets me to the gym, makes sure I eat, and keeps my mind busy. I am going to be a little lost without him for awhile.
I am sorry that this post wasn't the most positive post. I try really hard to keep my head up and project the strength that lies within me to all of you... Just not feeling it as much tonight:) Please know that I truly appreciate all the love and support you all give and know that we really are hanging in there and doing okay. We are strong people with an amazing support system and will go on to teach others all the wonderful things we learned from our little man. We will even do it with a smile on our faces:)
Love to all,
Erika
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You need to know that it is ok to let your emotions flow and that is ok to post things that you may not think are positive. We all understand that you might not have positive thoughts and we know that you may not always want to smile. So many people admire your strength. You are one AMAZING woman that is for sure. I love you. Have fun at the gym today.
ReplyDeleteErika, I know trhat over the years that we all have grown appart with family and friends, But I just thought I would say that what you are doing is miaculous. You and dale have been though a lot in the past year and you pain has been felt all the way up here. I have shed my share of tears for you guys. You and Dale are the two best People I have ever had the privlege of knowing in my life. Keep talking about your feelings we are all here to listen and try to help. I love both of you and will hope to see you when we come down in April. Untill then I will try to keep up with you guys though here and calling Dale from time and again.
ReplyDeleteErika,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to leave you a comment and let you know how much I appreciate your honesty and by ALL means, let out your emotions! You have been through so much! Little Colten will be with us always. He was such a vibrant and amazing little guy. I hope we can keep in touch and please, if there is ANYTHING you need, I'd love to help in any way possible. Lots of love,
Kari Cook (P.S. Breezy says hello!)
So glad you started this... Remember that this is YOUR place to write and your place to share... No apologies needed. Glad that the gym is working well and SOOO glad that you and Dale got to go out. You both deserved it. AND its okay that you had fun! You know that Colten wants that for you. Thinking of you today. Love you guys.
ReplyDeleteWe love you and will help you guys in any way we can. I am so happy you went out and had a good time. It is good for you all to enjoy each other. I hope Dale had a good day at work. Tell Talia Happy Birthday. Still can't believe her and Kayla are only 9 month apart. Expect a lot of changes in Talia this year!!!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Tami & Pete