I have been having so many emotions that some days I don't even know how to deal with them. I had a great trip to Michigan! I loved every minute with my mom and Glen and it was so amazing to see my family. BUT.... I spent WAY too much time in my own head!! I am so busy at home with the kids, life, and just trying to go on that I don't have very much time to think. While I was gone I had a lot of thinking time and that is when this crazy anger emerged. I am so angry at everything! I am angry at God for taking my baby, I am angry that every day is another day without him, and I am angry that I am so depressed! I am also so very frustrated! I think of how hard Colten fought every day for a whole year and how much he went through with that smile on his face and it frustrates me to no end that it ended like this. How is it even fair that a child so young should have to go through so much only to lose his life in the end?? It just really pisses me off! I am thankful that he is no longer suffering, but can anyone explain to me why he had to suffer in the first place?! These are the questions that get to me. I go through every day with a happy face but this is the stuff that awaits me when I try to go to bed at night. Some days I am not sure how I am ever going to get through this. Of course I know that I will persevere and come out okay.
I also want to ask everyone for some major prayers for a friend of mine. Sharla is a mom I became close to in Tucson and her daughter is Bekah. Colten and Bekah were neighbors in the hospital and had their transplants a week apart. This has been a long hard road for them and now it just got crazy bumpy on them. Bekah is in the PICU in critical condition and needs all the prayers you can give. I am not going to go into detail but my heart is breaking for Sharla and this is all I can do to help, so please pray! If you want to follow her story you can go to her caringbridge. www.caringbridge.org/visit/prayersforbekah
I have been working hard at school already and it is seriously overwhelming me. I am really just not feeling it this semester. Considering I am two weeks from midterms, I hope I get back in the swing of things soon:) My practicuum is going good though and I love being with the kiddos. Even if the drive is ridiculously long:) A big thanks to Jackie for being such a wonderful SLP to learn from.
Thanks again for following my posts, even when I get negative! I have the best friend and family EVER!
Love to all,
Erika
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Love u and you can call me for anything no matter what. I am thinking of you always. Virtual hugs until I see u in person.
ReplyDeleteErika,
ReplyDeleteI have thought about you and prayed for the family almost everyday! You are being so strong in my eyes! You take care of your husband, the kids, the house and yourself. There are people out there that have probably given up completely, Health, family and all!! Your going through the normal stages of Grief, your husband and the kids will react in their own way and the strong person that you are will get them through. I always ask questions as to why GOD would put Pain and Suffering upon Children or anyone for that matter! I wish I had an answer for you, I wish I could say something to you that would make you feel better but I'm loss for words! I still trust in God and I know you do too!! The prayers you ask for Bekah tells me so!!! YOU ARE STRONG IN YOUR MIND AND IN YOUR HEART!!!! All My Love!! Honey Manuel GRFD